I’m ready guys. I think I’m ready to delve into the taboo subject of Friends With Benefits. (Picture me putting up quotation marks.)

Oh but not in the way that would make sense and actually help you... no no. I’m going to discuss the committed relationships you think you’re in but are in all actuality a Friends With Benefits situation.

Love is patient guys.
It is also kind.
I like have these first two stanzas of the Bible verse on my wall somewhere because I believe it to be true. Often I find we need that reminder because people will try to convince you that love comes with unrelenting pain or that it’s meant to break you. It’s meant to leave you hopeless. Or out of options with your back against the ropes.

Nope, it’s supposed to actually do the exact opposite. I know. What a crazy idea.
Are you currently with someone who’s not even remotely close to being that for you. Like he or she is occasionally at their best. Occasionally good to you and more than often they’re just good to you in bed.
Yes I said it. You’re holding on to this relationship because they’re Good. In. Bed. They even hold you right afterwards. They sometimes even whisper sweet nothings. But then you both go back to your normal lives where they’re an asshole to you. Or they lie to you constantly and you just take it. You literally just take it and say you love them. You’re basically friends with benefits but okay... you love them.

Love is not only patient and kind hunny. In fact let’s finish that verse.
“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
And let’s keep going with the three verse that follows. “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

You see, love is a lot of things but it’s definitely not just pretty good sex. It requires more of the person. I’m going to shock you right now and suggest what you’re actually feeling is lust. It’s the strong desire to feel good in spite of. In spite of how shitty they treat you. In spite of how often they lie to you. In spite of how little they actually care about you.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a friends with benefits situation! As long as you call it what it is hunny and stop lying to yourself about what it isn’t.
And I’ll have you know that the 1st Corinthians verse continues by saying “Love never fails.” So Trust Me... because I also never fail and you know I Can’t Lie.



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You did it. You finally stood up for yourself. You told your significant other to kick rocks. You deserve better and though you’ve always known that to be true, this time you’ve pronounced it to be true.

So why does it still hurt like a MFker? Why do you still feel the effects of loosing the battle in spite of winning the war? How can you get past it? How can you move on? And quickly because you’re not sure how much of this pain you can handle.

24 hours sound good?
It does right. It sounds ideal. Like you’ve devoted a full day to process your feelings and now you’ve conclusively agreed that you not only made the right decision but the most honest decision. You’re no longer lying to yourself about the status of your love life. So being okay by like the next day is perfect... Funny how perfection is highly unattainable though.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the worst part hasn’t even hit you yet. Wait until they’ve moved on before you. Or wait until they attempt to get you back after a few years. You think you’re being tested now? You have no idea the potential for pain that awaits you. But guess what, you do eventually get through it. You do eventually get over it. And you do eventually heal. It just won’t be within 24 hours. If you’re lucky it may take a few weeks. Most likely it’ll take a few months. And unfortunately for some it may take years.

But you do get through it. Have you met someone who remained heartbroken over someone who did them wrong for their entire life? They might still be bitter about the situation, but heartbroken? Nah. Because time literally does heal all wounds. Time erases all the scars.

So just give it time. Give yourself as much time as you need. Don’t rush it. Don’t rush to reassimilate yourself back into the world. Take more than a single day to process all those feelings. And when you’re ready, you’ll know. But don’t forget to thank me when you do, because you knew I couldn’t lie.


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We all have a Hard No in the bedroom. You know that one thing we aren’t willing to do with our sexual partner. There’s no negotiating, you’re just not here for it and you’ll never be. That’s fine! I just wish you’d apply Hard No’s to your relationship.

I can’t believe I have to say this but if your significant other flirts with one of your best friends or your family member, the only I’m sorry you should accept is in the form of them saying you can do better than me; i hereby resign my position as your partner.
Trying to get with someone that close to you behind your back or directly in front of you is a HARD NO. Family and friends should be your limit to their madness. And don’t hold it in their favor that they weren’t able to actually go forward with it and cheat with your friend or family. I can already hear y’all crediting your boo for failing at cheating. “Well he didn’t go through with it so is it really that bad?” Yess! It’s that bad. If they can try with people you love and trust, then they’ve most definitely tried and probably succeeded with people who don’t give a damn about you.

I get it. Girls can be trifling. Men are deceitful. So taking what someone tells you at face value over your significant other is hard. It’s more than hard, it’s life or death at times. After all, a relationship without trust will never work in the long run. I get it. I actually respect that faith in your partner. However, when you’re provided with concrete proof like a text message, or a voicemail, or even pictures from someone as close to you as your friend or family member, there’s a certain amount of weight you give that person.

Honey, in relationships, some things are forgivable. Although I’m not a fan, cheating can be a forgivable offense. To each their own on that one. Lying is a forgivable offense. Again I say to each their own. But everything should not and cannot be forgivable when it comes to sharing your life with someone. You have to make boundaries. You have to have a limit to the damage. You have to exert standards because if not, you will live your life as a doormat. You will continually get taken advantage of, lied to and essentially abused.

So exercise those hard no’s. The things you would and could never stand for in any relationship. You don’t have to accept that kind of love. I hear you saying it’s not that simple. He’s my husband. She’s the mother of my kids. We’ve been together too long. It was a trap, he’s normally able to be on his best behavior. STOP. No more excuses babes... it’s okay to choose you. And always remember to Trust Me... because you knew I Couldn’t Lie.


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Second chances are beautiful. Third chances can be fleeting. Fourth chance? Now you're just asking for the abuse. 

There are few things I find more insulting than being treated like the side chick when you're his girl friend or significant other. It's obvious that the "side chick" is the one that you have to schedule time for, the one you can't see as much, and the one who's main purpose is usually sexual in nature.

I'm so tired of hearing that nice guys finish last.
No!
Nice guys get real women who aren't superficial, materialistic, and spoiled. They get the woman who loves them for who they are and not what they have or can give.
They are fortunate to end up with who they're truly meant to be with and not a woman who doesn't appreciate just how "nice" of a person they are.

In simpler terms... Be happy that she didn't want you. Be happy that she left you. Because she wasn't meant for you. I would even encourage you to be happy that she played you because she taught you something you needed to learn.

"What is the one thing you would ask a man to work on, no matter the stage in the relationship, because I always felt like when you're getting to know each other, you should do just that, and not expect him to be perfect, but I'm really curious to know, if anything, what would you ask a man to work on at any stage in the relationship?"

Well my fantabulous reader, this may be my favorite question asked yet!

The one thing I would ask any guy no matter the stage in the relationship to work on is CONSISTENCY. And I really feel that a lot of my female readers can relate. By consistency, I simply mean to remain the person I met and not to change your entire personality practically overnight.

There are few things more daunting, annoying and downright unattractive than a man that changes his MO in a relationship.

I'm all to familiar with Mr. Say the Right Thing. He's smooth, quick on his feet and NO matter how obvious the negative, he will make sure all you remember is the positive. He won't by any means be perfect but he will damn sure be close to it. He's funny, he's charming and he always remembers your birthday! He's Mr. Say the Right thing and I'm sure your diggin him.

And that's more than fine. He may definitely be a keeper. But I wouldn't want you to forget a few important things while you're dating him.

I recently came across an interesting topic between me and a friend off mines regarding any name of an affectionate nature, commonly referred to as “Pet Names”.

Should an individual who is in a committed relationship call anyone other than the partner a pet name?

Now for those of you who are unsure or completely unaware of what exactly pet names are, let me provide some common and not so common examples.

Boo
Baby
Babe
Honey
SweetiePie
Pookie
Snookums
Captain Crunch
Snoopie
Monkey Buns

Just to name a few... Monkey Buns is a personal favorite =)

Recalling my own questionable behavior over the past year and my interesting conversations with some of my lady friends, I found myself wondering Why Women are Attracted to Unavailable Men?

There can be a multitude of reasons for why someone has a hard time getting over their ex and moving on.

A special reader sent me a question that kicked my butt trying to come up with a truthful, helpful, and realistic response. You see this question is a topic I haven't fully mastered myself. But of course, I've made sure that this post will be all of the above and hopefully a little more.

I believe that getting over an ex-partner should be the easiest part of being in a relationship. I mean, after all you've went through, all the drama and pain and frustration, adjusting to life without all of those negative things should be easy... But for a lot of people it’s the hardest part. That's why this topic kicked my butt because there is no set formula to getting over a past relationship. But, I've researched and soul searched =) and evaluated how I've handled this kind of topic in the past and reviewed what did work and what did not work.

I'm entirely too serious about this new rule. You see, I use to be a strong believer in guys and girls being capable of being just friends but I should have been more specific with what I meant.

Guys and girls can only be friends if they don't have feelings for each other. No attraction. No fantasy. No what ifs! Strictly platonic relationships that grow out of a mutual connection based on nothing other than a click in personalities. Is that specific enough?

Fellas, I'm sure a good plenty of you have dated a girl where she was madly in love with you. You got her to do things you know she would never do for another human being! Am I bringing memories back? Or maybe you’re currently in that situation.