Trust Me... I Can't Lie

Believe me, I've tried, but I cannot tell a lie.

Male Best Friends & All the Other Guy Friends you Shouldn't Have Tried

By 5:47:00 PM , , , , , , , , ,

Men are incapable of separating, we use to have sex from we no longer have sex. -Steve Harvey

I loved that statement when I heard it. And it totally goes along with Trey Songz "Can't be Friends".

Once a female and her male friend take it to the next level, there is literally no going back. And if in the process you spread your legs for him... He will forever see you as the friend or lover he had sex with, not as just the friend. And because it becomes so difficult for that male friend to separate the two different roles, the friendship may suffer.

So I may offend a lot of my male friends with this post but... so what?! 


Remember how I told you guys that its best to make a lesson to live by out of disappointment and hard learned mistakes?
...Well one of my recent personal rules is to not date any of my guy friends. CRAZY!
I know! I'm nuts!
After all don't most relationships start out as "just friends"??

I'm entirely too serious about this new rule. You see, I use to be a strong believer in guys and girls being capable of being just friends but I should have been more specific with what I meant.

Guys and girls can only be friends if they don't have feelings for each other. No attraction. No fantasy. No what ifs! Strictly platonic relationships that grow out of a mutual connection based on nothing other than a click in personalities. Is that specific enough?


Apparently, I've found myself guilty of being naïve enough to believe that a lot of my "male friends" just liked me as a friend.

I remember defending a lot of my male friendships as being strictly platonic. This was because I knew that if I didn't defend it, outside people who love to talk would personify what they want on it. And then what on the inside for me was just a friendship was a love affair from those being nosy on the outside.
And the story goes that several of them one by one, revealed eventually, how they really felt about me. I know, you’re probably thinking, well if they were friends with you.... and fell for you... what's the big deal??

You see most of them had these "feelings" since damn near the beginning of the friendship, so it felt like it was all a sham!
I usually didn't feel the same way...
And how awful is it to reject your close friend? Its a tough situation.

The bastards! Here I am preaching about guys and girls being able to be just friends and they who shall remain nameless decide to toy with my mind and propose the notion of being more than friends.

Now some of my male readers are probably like, you should of known that no man becomes friends with a girl without having a motive, but don't judge me, I did admit to being severely naïve.

A few male friends have been able to persuade me to take a chance on pursuing something more than just friends. And the only reason the chance seems worth it is because I felt that we were that close and I thought that our relationship could handle anything, even a potential break up. 
Clearly I didn't know what I was talking about. (Insert sad face) But this is what I was up against...
One of them actually made such a valid point that I couldn't refuse. He said...
"You give all these other clowns who you don't know a chance...and they end up disappointing you...why not take a chance on someone you actually know cares about you" How do you reject that?!
But of course, it didn't work out and we actually are no longer friends because I never felt as strongly about him as he did for me. (Insert sad face again)

Now by no means am I implying that there can no longer be a friendship... but I can testify that it is never the same.
And hence where "Can't be Friends" by Trey Songz comes in.

Let's just say that I'm no longer "best friends" or "good friends" with any of them any longer. Still friends with most of them but I just don't see the point in having the bff title anymore. And I think they would all agree. It was not necessarily because of how they felt, but because after a while are you really supposed to keep the best friend sham up if you don't necessarily want to be just her friend? I don't think so. And most men won't. They eventually get tired of hearing about all the guys that hurt you or they are over hearing about how you wish you could find someone.

Do I sound bitter? Hell yeah!
I really appreciated the friendships and they had to go and ruin it by liking me and stuff. And now like Trey said... We Can't Be Friends!

So why did I just get real personal?!

Because my faithful reader posed to me this great question not being aware of my Bias towards male and female friendships turned relationships. But since I can't lie, I promise to put all my Biases away and answer her question.

"I've always loved my best friend. We've been friends since we were kids, kind of like love and basketball without the basketball lol, and I wanted to know if I'm confusing the love I've got for him, with being in love with him? I mean of course I told him how I felt and he agreed that I may be confusing it (rejection) but you know me....am I?"

So can I just note how funny it is that you took him telling you, you may be confusing the two types of loves as rejection!
Don't cut yourself short....we're going to get to the bottom of this together.

You explained everything to me when you said "kind of like love and basketball without the basketball"
That implies that you've had relations before.... And trust me when I say that's okay. In fact, that's most likely the reason why you feel you're in love with him.

Honestly I don't think your confusing the two. You've been in love before and you know how it feels. And you know how it feels to have love for a friend. There is a clear difference and I am almost positive that you've understood the difference. You're questioning your feelings only because he agreed that you may be.
But what was he supposed to say...
You pose to a man that you may be in love with him but you also may be confusing it with the love you've always had for him and was he really supposed to tell YOU how YOU felt?
I am pretty sure if you approached him and said that you were in love with him without posing the possibility of it just being confusion on your part, you probably would have gotten a different answer.
You see by posing the possibility of confusion he could be reading that as you not wanting to have these feelings. So he therefore agrees with you because confusion sounds much better than  I love you but I don't wanna be with you. Just like you may be afraid of rejection, he may be as well.

He's your best friend... Don't sugarcoat what's going on. There is no need beat around the bush.

The worst that could happen is that he doesn't feel the same way and he remains your best friend...
Does it sound so bad once you read it aloud to yourself?
Eventually, we have to reach a point in our lives where rejection should no longer be the reason we are not honest with the ones we truly love.
I'm sure you've gotten the memo.....life’s extremely short. So short that I'm almost positive that October got swallowed from the calendar.  (Am I the only person that feels like it went from September to Halloween Day to November?)
The best part about rejection...and yes there is a positive part to being rejected...the best part about rejection is that it is only a temporary feeling.
Have you heard of someone being depressed for their entire life over that one person that didn't want to be with them?
I haven't! So know that whatever feelings of despair you may acquire, will eventually fade and you will move on.
And guess what...he will still be your best friend after all of it.

But I know you won't be happy unless you at least try.
You do love him and you do want to be with him. So I suggest approaching him with those exact words. Tell him it’s not confusion and you do know the difference between the two feelings. He's your best friend...I hope he's just as honest with you as you are with him. And if it works out, let me know because I will personally lift this new rule I've configured for myself!

I know my post is titled in a way that implies you shouldn't date male best friends and guy friends but I would never tell my faithful readers not to take a chance on love. I just want to warn you that the decision is not to be taken lightly.

You see sweetheart, once you make that decision to be more than "friends" there is no going back to what you may have been before. 

Being honest is important in any relationship especially in friendships...but most importantly being honest is important between you and me so you should Trust Me...Because I Can't Lie 


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4 comments

  1. I want to say i am a 100 percent believer in GUYS ND GIRLS CANTS BE FRIENDS!! There is alwayz a motive. Every guy Ive considered a friend, has eitha professed their feelings for me, tried to kiss me, made inappropiate remarks of wantin me to mother theyre future kids(LOL I KNO)or stolen my bbm pic nd made it his own. (LOL I KNO) Being in a relationhip is very risky bc altho u advise to take a chance on love, da person cud be losin out on a bff! I agree wit trey not bc hes sexy nd fine as hell but bc he says "I Wish We Never Did It..... And Now There Aint No Way That We Can Be Friends" ~AllyBoo

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  2. I stepped on some toes but at least I have other people stepping with me. Thank you Ally Darling!

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  3. I do agree with you, once you've crossed that line you can't just go back to being friends. Things are never the same because one of you if not both will act differently in some way.
    Also if there is a friend that you like, or the person like you and nothing is said about it, the friendship can also suffer. This is a slippery slope to deal with because you never know.
    Me personally I prefer to say nothing. I live by this: "friendships last longer than relationships so i prefer to keep me my and hold back my feelings, than cross that line and lose a great friend." that's just me.

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  4. To each her own...is what i say. I'd rather have men as friends cause 1st of all women cant stand me and visa versa. My take on this is with women as friends it's just as stressful as a relationship, you have to be wondering if you can trust the b#@#h half the times, she can hate you for the one thing you have over her, she can be giving you bad advice just to see you go down. Atleast with a man you only have to worry about your "uuhhuhhumm" and that i can handle.

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