Trust Me... I Can't Lie

Believe me, I've tried, but I cannot tell a lie.

You Only Get Three Great Women In Your Life... -Irv Gotti

By 10:31:00 PM , , , , ,


This faithful reader and superly great guy friend posed to me this interesting question after a discussion we had about my own personal life.

Should a woman ask about the women in their mans past?
After all according to him you shouldn't ask questions you don't necessarily want to hear the answer to.

Well damn homey...is your past that bad!

You see he totally agreed with my post on “The Girl that Ruined it for the Rest of Us”.  So the conversation was centered around how ladies could figure out if the guy they’re pursuing a relationship with is that guy who got burned by that girl….

His response was “Well the only way to find out about if there is such a girl, is to ask him about his past”
Of course I agreed but then he posed that question….
To him… the answer the guy may tell her may do more damage than good…

I'm not sure what would provoke a woman to ask but I do feel they have the right to.
A mans history with women can offer great insight into who they are as a person.
Therefore Ladies...when you ask...and he shares...what he tells you serves you no purpose if you don't realize for yourself what he's actually telling you.
The problem I find is that women misread what the guy is actually saying. All they want to know is whether he is over his ex’s or not.  This should not be your ultimate goal…

Now my guy friend is probably like...

Of course you'd take my question and turn it into advice for the ladies... =p
Don't worry, there's something for the fellas near the end of this blog entry!! I am so tired of hearing how much I neglect guy’s point of view. Um hello, I'm a female I can only speak from my private parts point of view!! But I can only give you guys my sincere advice if you write in...so here's a wise hint... WRITE IN!

Back to my ladies....

So your boyfriend, significant other, boo, baby father, former babyfather (I know you were almost positive he was the father of your child, DaMN DNA testing).....
He's just told you all about a few of his past girlfriends; he most likely will not tell you about all for fear of sounding extremely whorish. And he most likely will start off with the one who played him. Now this relationship is the most significant.  Thus..this is the relationship you should actually pay attention to.

The girl that he claims played him is a story he tells to gain your sympathy. You will silently vow to never be like her. In fact…you may actually go above and beyond to prove that you’re not her.
Now it’s very important that you pay close attention to how he sounds when he tells you.
Does he sound angry, or hurt, or like it didn't affect him at all?

You see if he still sounds angry, he is in no way ready for a serious relationship. Now if you chose to stay with him, which most females do decide to do, be prepared for a lot of drama. Because you will reap what she sowed. You’re going to be constantly trying to prove you are not her.

If he sounds like he's emotionally upset about what happened, be prepared to deal with someone who you will have a difficult time understanding. With you, he will most likely have his guards up. You will often feel that he resisting your efforts to make things work, or he doesn't care about the relationship. This kind of guy should not be written off because of his inability to open up to you, but rather this is the guy that is actually worth your time. The fact that he's been hurt before and is willing to put himself back out there says a great deal about his character. He's resiliency to the hurt that his past relationship caused him, is a quality anyone should want in their partner. Because sometimes you just have to rise above it and that's what he is doing by committing to you. All you honestly have to do is be your wonderful self and over time you will reveal to him that not every female is triflin.  He will trust you and because of this, he will truly appreciate and love you for being different from his past.

If he tells you as if it didn't matter....it could sound something like this.

"Yeah she messed with my mans, but what really got me tight was that this kat didn't even think to invite me in on it!"

Yeah...this is the fool you run from. I know you might think if he didn't care that's good for you but you'd be incorrect. You see if he didn't care then he didn't care about the relationship. And if he didn't care about the relationship then that brings up an entire set of new concerns for you.

Why didn't he care?
Will he be so nonchalant about your relationship?
Does he even want a relationship?
And then you definitely may not like the answers that follow.

Now if he tells you about this bad relationship and he reacts like he's moved on and he's not bitter, he's not hurt, yet he still seems like he cared about her, than this is the guy that is very much ready for a relationship. But your job is not done there...

If he makes it seems like it was all her fault for whatever happened, take that with a grain of salt. That's only one side of the story. 
If he makes it seem like it was his entire fault and he regrets it, then you've got a changed man in your hands which may work to your advantage since he probably will most likely try not to make those same mistakes with you.

You see…the bottom line ladies, is that you have to remember two important things before asking him about his past.

The First is that he doesn't have to tell you anything.
The Second is that he will always tell you only what he wants you to know. So always take their stories or versions of events with a grain of salt. It is not the gospel and on cross examination the prosecution may tear his testimony apart!

Ladies...by no means is this the only way to discover such insight into what's going on with your partner.  In fact, a lot of women would not want to know about his past, they see themselves as his future and the rest is irrelevant but sometimes you "have to look back in order to see where you're going".

Now fellas,
You need to truly access how you feel about your past gfs before you move on to the next chick. Women are all tired of paying for what the girl or girls before her did to you!
I'm not suggesting therapy; I'm just saying maybe you should realize that each female you deal with is going to be different. Only a handful will you be successfully able to lump into being exactly the same. 

Why is this important?!
Because you don't miss a good thing until it’s gone. And if you treat her as if she was the one that did you wrong, she will leave you like the person that did you wrong.
Someone once incorrectly quoted a line that Irv Gotti said in the Southside video by LLoyd.
In the video Irv tells Lloyd…
   "You only get three great women in your life, you never know...she may be one of the great ones. "

Marinate on that before you date your next girl...

You see…a good woman will only show up in your life but so many times. If you don’t appreciate her while you have her someone else will.

You will go through some shady, disrespectful, nasty females. I can almost promise you this because a good woman has become a rarity….but you meet these mistakes so that when that great girl comes along you appreciate and treat her right. What irks me is that you usually do the opposite when she comes along.

Time for you to do better…Remember, you’re only blessed with three according to IRV!

But if you don’t believe him, especially because he’s currently divorced …haha
You have got to Trust Me…Because I Can’t Lie Darling!


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