I’m ready guys. I think I’m ready to delve into the taboo subject of Friends With Benefits. (Picture me putting up quotation marks.)

Oh but not in the way that would make sense and actually help you... no no. I’m going to discuss the committed relationships you think you’re in but are in all actuality a Friends With Benefits situation.

Love is patient guys.
It is also kind.
I like have these first two stanzas of the Bible verse on my wall somewhere because I believe it to be true. Often I find we need that reminder because people will try to convince you that love comes with unrelenting pain or that it’s meant to break you. It’s meant to leave you hopeless. Or out of options with your back against the ropes.

Nope, it’s supposed to actually do the exact opposite. I know. What a crazy idea.
Are you currently with someone who’s not even remotely close to being that for you. Like he or she is occasionally at their best. Occasionally good to you and more than often they’re just good to you in bed.
Yes I said it. You’re holding on to this relationship because they’re Good. In. Bed. They even hold you right afterwards. They sometimes even whisper sweet nothings. But then you both go back to your normal lives where they’re an asshole to you. Or they lie to you constantly and you just take it. You literally just take it and say you love them. You’re basically friends with benefits but okay... you love them.

Love is not only patient and kind hunny. In fact let’s finish that verse.
“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
And let’s keep going with the three verse that follows. “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

You see, love is a lot of things but it’s definitely not just pretty good sex. It requires more of the person. I’m going to shock you right now and suggest what you’re actually feeling is lust. It’s the strong desire to feel good in spite of. In spite of how shitty they treat you. In spite of how often they lie to you. In spite of how little they actually care about you.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a friends with benefits situation! As long as you call it what it is hunny and stop lying to yourself about what it isn’t.
And I’ll have you know that the 1st Corinthians verse continues by saying “Love never fails.” So Trust Me... because I also never fail and you know I Can’t Lie.



Don't Forget To Comment ;-)

Feeling nice, I enjoyed an elaborate four course meal at the resort restaurant. I had the hotel staff take pictures of me in my birthday outfit, yes I dressed up for the occasion even though I’d be by myself. I ate and enjoyed the smooth sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks. If I hadn’t already deemed this to be my best birthday ever, it was. Sri Lanka had wowed me. It was everything I had wanted and more. Truly a hidden gem. An unsolicited friend. And a lifelong companion. I was moved and slept like a baby that night right after enjoying my Jacuzzi.


The next day we began the journey back to Colombo. We stopped along the way for local Ceylon milk tea. And that concoction by a small little shop off the road was the best team I’ve ever had. I don’t know what they put in it but it was divine. So maybe Sri Lanka was good at tea after all. After a quick morning pick me up for the both of us, we went for my photo opportunity with stilt fisherman. Sanju had already told me that they don’t actually fish that way anymore. Now they just sat there waiting for tourist to want a picture and then they would charge them for it. Stilt fishing was unique to Sri Lanka so I didn’t mind paying for a photo session. Sanju carefully helped me negotiate a fair price before I proceeded to pretend I was a stilt fisherman and climb up those narrow stilts. It was worth it! Even on my injured ankle that was getting better by the way... it’s only crazy if it doesn’t work I thought. The last excursion I wanted to do before I left was a boat safari.


A smooth sail down the river included a stop to visit Cinnamon Island. Cinnamon Island as the boat operator called it was a small island within the river way where an elderly man showed us and a few others how he makes cinnamon from scratch. He let us smell the bark, participate in grinding it before selling us it in powder, stick and oil form. I chose not to indulge since cinnamon can be found at your local bodega back in NY. He claimed cinnamon had all these natural health benefits. I’m not saying I didn’t believe him, I’m just saying I could get the exact same product in New York at my local bodega! As the boat sailed on, we stopped next to another smaller boat. There was the most beautiful baby monkey I had ever seen! I’m sure this was a part of the attraction but they had no idea that this short brief stop along one of the last excursions I had planned would be the highlight of my time in Sri Lanka. In Bali, I got to enjoy having a monkey on my shoulder and I thought that was the highlight of my life but in Sri Lanka, I got to hold one in my arms and have him hug me back. He was so perfect. I didn’t want to give him back. I briefly thought of Sanju, our baby monkey and I living on the island together having the time of our lives. It was brief. The moment was fleeting. And before I knew it I had to hand back the little guy to his owner.


On our way back down the river we visited another sacred Buddha temple in the form of an entire small island. A multitude of Buddha statues including one of him fasting until he starved himself to just bones, was on full display. I then asked to stop the boat at a floating coconut shop where I had my second King coconut. The first one, Sanju generously offered and bought for me back on our way to Dambulla. He said that they would charge a tourist more. Do you see why it was easy to be so smitten? He really was just a good guy. We then sailed to a fish spa. You read it right. Similar to the suggestion by a stranger in Greece, I subjected myself to having my feet gnawed on by a bunch of fish. The fish were a lot bigger than the ones I remembered in Greece. I was bit nervous at first but the tickling feeling I remember from my first solo trip came back. And this time it was so much cheaper. Sri Lanka proving once again to be the exception to every rule. Who says you can’t get a good pedicure for five dollars?

I was spent after lunch and just wanted to get a head start to the beautiful beach town of Unawatuna so I opted to skip the second half of my full day safari. I had honestly already seen so much! On our way out the park, I was greeted by a sea of beautiful petite monkeys along the road. You should know that I’m obsessed and always have been, with monkeys! All apes in general for that matter. So this was like icing on an already beautifully decorated cake. Sanju told me that I had extreme luck for my birthday because just the week before his clients complained about not seeing any elephants and not only did we spot multiple elephants on our safari, I also was able to catch a glimpse of the illusive leopards and even a crocodile. Two even more rare animals he told me. After the safari guide dropped us back at Sanju’s car, he unloaded a surprise on me. He had arranged for me to visit a local Ayurveda spa. Ayurveda is a type of holistic spa treatment. The spa he brought me to was pretty rural and not fancy like the spas I was use to in the states so I was highly skeptical about if I’d enjoy it. But Sanju had an alternate reason for bringing me to the spa. I had injured my foot in Kandy on a broken step so my ankle had swollen up a bit. This gesture to not only take me to the spa but to one with a holistic doctor on site is why it was easy to fall for Sanju. He honestly was the sweetest. He was constantly going above and beyond my expectations of what was expected of a tour guide. Before you even begin to judge me, I still didn’t know about the wife and kid as yet. The doctor on site examined my foot and told me I hadn’t broken any bones nor did I tear any of my ligaments. It was just a really bad sprain. He gave me therapeutic oil and told me to rub my feet with it every night, dress it with a warm compress and keep my foot elevated as much as I could. Although I planned to get a spa treatment on my birthday the following day, Sanju encouraged me to get a massage and since it was such a nice gesture to bring me to the local spa I opted for a full body Ayurveda massage. To be honest he didn’t have to convince me much. I was already intrigued by the entire experience thus far. I mean an oil for my injured ankle, what had I gotten myself into? No Sanju and I didn’t do a couples massage like I half expected. Just kidding. I must have been only partially kidding because the full body massage was so good that I naturally fell asleep. Are you also tired of how much I napped on this trip? While I slept I had this extremely inappropriate dream about Sanju and me. And after I woke up at the end of the massage I began to think about if I was okay moving to Sri Lanka for this man. I mean, it truly was a beautiful country and since I spoke better English then him, we could do these tours together. Yes, after only four days I was plotting on how I could make this relationship work. Would we be bicontinental (I know it’s not an actual word) or would we resolve to live in one country over the other?

After getting back in the car and proceeding to ride to Unawatuna, I was still a bit tired from the mornings early Safari so I just positioned myself to fall back to sleep. As if he knew what dirty dreams I was about to conduct he asked me how did I like the massage. I didn’t want to tell him just how good it was so I offered a simple nod and said it was nice. I then asked him if he believed an oil would heal my foot. And this is when he blew my world wide open. He explained that he too used to be skeptical of Ayurveda treatments and holistic things of that nature but that after his WIFE and he got married, they had trouble conceiving for years. A friend suggested he see a doctor similar to the one he brought me to and after prescribing a special set of natural pills and a diet, they conceived their first child within the year and she was pregnant with their second as well.

Okay. Is your world just as shattered as mine? Okay maybe not so much seeing that I did spoil this for you and it is like technically wrong to lust after another woman’s man. Maybe you think I’m crazy for claiming to fall for someone in four days. But we literally spent every waking moment together just getting to know each other. And I think having a wife and kid is something he could have mentioned much earlier on. So I and my broken heart sat quietly for the rest of the ride. I didn’t dare nap and further subject myself to fantasies that no longer were a possibility. When we arrived at the Pink Elephant in Unawatuna, I enjoyed an amazing seafood diner. I have to give this one restaurant a shout out by name. The meal was truly phenomenal. Sanju patiently waited for me to finish before dropping me off at the resort I was staying in while in Unawatuna. It was a little bit more expensive than the other hotels I stayed in thus far but it was where I’d be spending my actual birthday so it seemed worth it to splurge on my last few days. The Aqua Cantelope hotel deserves a shout out as well since they not only gave me amazing service during my entire stay but they upgraded my room upon checking in. I got to enjoy gorgeous views of the ocean from my bed. The room even included a Jacuzzi and the most relaxing rain shower ever. I was in heaven.




On my actual birthday I woke up super early once again for Sanju to drive me to the town of Marissa where I would be going on a whale and dolphin watching tour. I had actually already seen dolphins up close in North Bali but I was excited to see whales. On a much larger boat than I was in in Bali, we sailed far out into the ocean amongst a few other vessels chasing down these beautiful creatures. Sanju and I got there a little later than everyone else so I had to sit a little farther from the edge of the boat. One of the men from the boats enormous crew, noticed me straining to see and take pictures. When he approached me I thought I was in trouble because tourists never listen. Depending on what side of the boat you sat you were either supposed to stand or sit to allow the other half of the boat a chance to see. When he gave me the utmost special treatment I was beside myself. Maybe Sanju wasn’t in to me. Maybe all Sri Lankan men are exceptionally kind and accommodating. The crewmen told me to follow him to where the captain / guy who was manning the boat, was standing. He and the captain showed me where to stand and look to catch the best pictures and videos of the whales as we rode. Sometimes they would stop and wait for the same whale to surface again. The blue whale, believed to be world’s largest animal to have ever lived, surfaced to the air approximately every twenty minutes for air. I eventually felt awkward getting all the special treatment as the rest of the passengers looked on enviously so I sat back down and thanked them both with a hug. When the excursion was over I half expected one of them to ask me for my number as they helped me off the large boat and I also hoped they did it right as Sanju who was waiting for me on land looked on but they didn’t. Again, you promised not to judge! Sanju however asked me how my trip was and I was all too happy to brag about special treatment on the boat. He then said they’re a good crew of guys and he was happy that I enjoyed it. So freaking nice and polite at a times. I loved it even though I was bothered by how unbothered he was by my story.

When he dropped me back at my hotel I encouraged him to take a break. I’d find something to do on my birthday. To be honest I just planned to relax, enjoy all the amenities of my room and maybe even fit in another spa treatment. He agreed and told me to ring him just once to let him know I needed him to come back for whatever reason. Although they fed us on the morning boat tour and the resort also provided me with a small breakfast bag of food to go, I was starving by the time the afternoon hit. Can you believe that I ordered lunch at the restaurant and they hand deliver my food to my room free of charge? I ate like a queen on the balcony of my mini suite enjoying gorgeous views of Sri Lanka’s pristine waters. My birthday was panning out to be the best one yet. My trip so far was life changing. I had learned so much. I developed a silly school girl crush. I was being treated like I was royalty. Everyone I encountered thus far was so nice! I was super satisfied with my choice. I got a call reminded me that I had scheduled a spa treatment in the resort and they asked me to come a little earlier than I had originally booked. It actually worked out better for me. When I tell you the full body massage, hair treatment and facial gave me new life, I mean it. It was the most relaxing, exhilarating experience I’ve ever had at a spa. I literally felt like a brand new person. I may have been overly thankful as I tipped the two girls. Oh yes, two women worked on me at the same damn time. I would legit fly back to Sri Lanka just for that spa treatment alone.

When I returned to my room I wanted to keep my relaxation going so I opted for a warm soak in the hot tub in my room. Just as I was about to get comfortable, the hotel rang me to let me know that my driver was downstairs. For sure thinking it was a mistake I quickly put on my pajamas and flip flops before I walked down stairs to the lobby. Sanju actually was there. Thinking I forgot something on the itinerary I quickly apologized without even asking what item I missed and offered to quickly get ready to go out. He then smiled and said to follow him to the hotels dining area. And there, like straight out of a movie was a small group of the hotel staff surrounding a giant chocolate cake saying simply Happy 30th Birthday Amanda. It was the gesture that pushed me completely over the edge. I had completely fallen. After I repeated are you serious a thousand times he and the hotel staff sang me happy birthday. I may or may not have shed a tear or two. It was all too much. How dare this man who was unavailable to me be so damn amazing? He sat with me for a little bit as I enjoyed my cake. For the first time he actually enjoyed a meal with me. After raving about how good the cake was, I asked if it was from the hotel. He then broke the news that he actually went a way out of town to get it from a small local bakery. He knew I was all by myself on another solo trip and he didn’t want me to feel alone on my birthday. The sweetest. I could swear! I couldn’t possibly eat the entire cake on my own, nor did I plan to bring it with us when we left for Colombo the next day so I asked him to give it back to the hotel staff and have them eat and share it amongst themselves. As I got up to return to my room, he said to wait for them to bring me back a piece of the cake. He thought it’s only right I enjoy it for at least a few more hours. I explained that I planned to have my birthday dinner here and didn’t want to eat too much of it and he still urged me to save a piece.


Okay. Now really don't judge me. He kind of invited himself to my room. Well not for anything solicitous, okay maybe a little solicitous, he had their nationally whiskey with him and he said we couldn’t open it in front of hotel staff. We briefly discussed on the safari lunch break what national drinks Sri Lanka had and he had mentioned there was a really famous one I should try. And like the amazing man he was, he went and got a bottle for me to try as a gift. We sipped and cheered a glass or two of the potent whisky. Well I did. He just watched. And because I was already full on in love with him I thought he was trying to seduce me. I even thought maybe he put something in this brand new bottle of whiskey. A thousand thoughts went through my mind as we just sat on the couch while I sipped. He asked if he could tour the room and of course I nodded yes. He was very impressed with my pick. He had chosen all the other hotels throughout the trip. I told him I was willing to splurge on my birthday but had no idea they would upgrade me to a suite of this magnitude. He walked out onto the balcony and that’s when I realized that I was still dressed in my damn pajamas with a scarf on my head. I looked full on homeless. Okay maybe not homeless, I’m actually pretty in most things but there was no way he was trying to seduce me. Snapping back to reality, he asked me what I had planned for the night and I offered again that I had plans for dinner downstairs in the hotel. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to invite him to join me because again, though out this entire trip he hadn’t once joined me for a meal other than the birthday cake. So I don’t invite him. He asked me how I liked the whiskey and I said it was strong. To be honest I was already beginning to feel those two glasses. It suddenly became awkward. Him in my room. Me feeling a bit tipsy. And so I told him I should start getting ready for dinner and he took the hint to either offer to join me or leave. He choose the latter. He wished me a happy birthday once more and we agreed on a time for him to pick me up in the morning.

Be careful what bridges you burn.

When you've walked out the door and ended a relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic in nature, be careful how you handle that door. 
You can close the door. Let them bang. You can even lock it. But don't break off the knob.