This theory I crafted almost ten years ago is so universal, so timeless, so insightful... that I’ve decided it needs a repost with a small 2020 edit. Please enjoy.

I am known for my outlandish over the top theories and this blog is yet another one of them that I plan to copyright somehow. (Still Working On Doing So 10 YRS Later) This blog is pretty long for a reason as there are a lot of points to this theory. 

Now, full warning to my male readers as I'm about to revisit and expose a very serious mind game you play. If it makes you feel any better....a woman has probably done it to you.

Believe it or not...dating is a lot like cooking.
What? How so Mandizzy? 

Clearly if you cook using a microwave this theory may be difficult to understand but don't worry, I will make this as simple as possible.

Men are smart! 
I know us women love to complain about how dumb they are and often we are right! But sometimes their dumb decisions have to be looked at from a more strategic angle. 
Hence this example...

You’re dating this guy for some time now and although he's not perfect he is decent enough to you. You even love him and things are going great in your eyes. And then one day he comes to you with a very sincere tone in his voice.

"Babe, honestly we've been fighting a lot lately and I know it's all because of me"
"I don't have time for you babe, and you deserve all the time in the world"
"You know, I just don't know how to love you the way I know you deserve to be loved"
"I'm a jerk for not realizing what I have with you"

And they say the fateful words...

"Maybe we should see other people, but it's not you baby, it's all me"

And as mad as you want to be, you can't seem to get there because everything he's said is right. It is all him, you've been amazing. And yet you secretly second guess everything you've done in the relationship. 

"Maybe I shouldn’t have called him so much, or maybe I shouldn’t have complained about his partying habits. Maybe him cheating on me with my best friend was really my fault, I should have never introduced them."

Come on son! Really?

Men will do them regardless of what you do or don’t do. Know that. Trust that. 

How is it that they leave me feeling like it's my fault even though they said it was their fault?

It's called Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology. (Copyright still pending on this theory as well)

You see men do not like to be called out on their ish. They don't like to hear what they’ve been doing wrong or how much of a screw up they really are. And yet... we women love to call them on it. Just to remind them that their stuff does stink and you are tired of being their air freshener!

So the odds of a man telling you what they have been doing wrong and taking responsibility for their actions happens ever NOT so often. 
Hence, why you are caught off guard when that person ends the relationship and takes full responsibility for its demise. 
A man that takes responsibility for his actions...well I never!

You're probably thinking that maybe he did really care about you and he just isn't ready to "be what you deserve"...is that how he phrased it?

You see and since you know he wasn't as bad as he made himself seem, you begin to assume that it was really you that created the issue which led him to leave. And therefore he created without you even realizing it..."Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology". 

So I'm guessing at this point you are either a) confused b) upset c) rethinking your last break up or d) laughing your butt off. In either situation you’re still eager to learn where the hell does the Backburner Theory come into the mix.

Well...

You've just went through Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology and ultimately end up believing that it was a good relationship that just didn't work out. 

That is a fair way to sum up the entire experience until...

A few months to a year later, you get a phone call or a text or he randomly shows up by your house or your job and you guys get to talking. You've already forgotten what he's done to you because as far as you’re concerned you guys broke up on a "good note". He may ask you to hang out. You oblige and before you know it, you guys are dating again. 

You may or may not have made it official but you are pretty much back to how things were before he broke things off with you. 

This time around...he may or may not stick around. In fact, he may repeat the same thing he did the first time. The whole I'm not ready and you deserve someone who is ready reverse of the reverse inside psychology. 

And again they leave...and sometimes they come back. 
Eventually they may stay forever...I doubt it though. 

You see my darling you are "The Backburner Theory" at its finest. 

Remember how I compared dating to cooking...well this how it all connects.

When you cook a meal, it usually has several components. Sometimes you have to simultaneously use multiple burners on the stove. And when one component or dish is ready you put it on the backburner. The backburner is usually off to make sure that you do not burn that dish. 

As you date someone...they are cooking you on the front burners. They are putting all the right or wrong ingredients into your pot and tasting it as they cook just to make sure it is just right. Now if they discover that the recipe they were cooking is just plain disgusting, they are going to throw it in the trash. If you've had a nasty bad break up and you no longer speak to one another...it's probably because like the pot of food you've been labeled as no good and thrown into the garbage. 

But if they are cooking and everything turned out the way they wanted it, they've tasted and it is really good. This is a dish that is finished and ready for them to enjoy. But since they may still want several other dishes to go a long with their meal they put this pot aka you on the backburner. And they either continue to cook another dish that they have been working on or they start a new dish. 

The dish on the backburner is the girlfriend or boyfriend they've broken up with and took full responsibility for the relationships demise. They know that once they are ready to have some of that dish again, they can dip right in with no problem because it's not like they put it in the trash. They cannot dig in the trash for food, but the dish on the backburner... It still may be warm to them and since you’re probably not angry with them over the break up they can enter your life once again with no problem. After all... it was their entire fault in the first place. 

The several other dishes the chef may be working on are other people that the person wanted to date but could not if he remained working on the dish that he put on the backburner. If he left you and told you it was because you did this wrong and you did that wrong and nothing was his fault when you knew it was, he would have a hard time getting you back. Wouldn’t he? 

The sly bums know this! And so they make sure that it ends on the most peaceful note. And how else can they do that without making it appear as if it was entirely their fault.

Sweetheart you’re his backburner chick! 

He just picks you up off that burner when he's hungry. I mean it is only right after he molded you into his perfect victim. You think it's easy to throw all those ingredients in and come out with something that’s as yummy as you are?! 

Now Mandizzy, so what if he puts me on the back burner…during this time, I’m doing me. I’m not sitting around waiting for him.

If you let him keep you on the backburner, eventually you will either get spoiled and thrown into the trash or he will eat up all of you and you will have nothing of yourself left!

I hope I just helped a lot of you ladies realize a pattern that men are too slick at repeating.

You are to fly to be constantly moved to the backburner. And you are too tasty to get thrown in the trash.

Missed you babes, so glad you continue to Trust me... because you know I Can’t Lie!

It’s time I sever a few friendships for good!
Ok.
I’m being a bit dramatic but this topic will definitely rub a few of your friends the wrong way.

It’s time to stop loosing your good girlfriends over dick. Yes. I’ve finally said it. You are literally losing homies because of a body part.

Now I’ve touched on this topic in the past. I’ve made it very clear that to be a good friend you often have to let your adult friends make their own adult mistakes. Because in all seriousness, how else do we learn? Through experiences.

But with that being said I’m allowed to call out these girls who learn the lesson and still hold a grudge against the friend who told them so!

You can’t be mad that they were right and you were made to look the fool. You can’t be in your feelings about a situation that played out exactly how they called it. You have to let that resentment go. You have to swallow your pride and admit you missed the mark on this one. And especially because the mark was a penis you knew was never worthy of you in the first place.

Keep the same energy you had when you thought you made the right choice when you find out the choice wasn’t even on the right or wrong spectrum. (It was just that bad of a situation.)

We are so quick to let pride get in the way of a good thing. We have to be willing to realize how short life is and how rare real friends are. So when the person that knows and loves you says the dude your dating isn’t it... she’s not always a hater. She’s probably just trying to avoid having to nurse you back to life. Although that in it self is selfish, it’s entirely reasonable!

So trust those girl friends but if you truly want to follow your own path, do you booboo!! But if it doesn’t go as planned! Remember to apologize to the homie who thought they knew best. And also remember to Trust Me, because you knew I Couldn’t Lie.



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I’m ready guys. I think I’m ready to delve into the taboo subject of Friends With Benefits. (Picture me putting up quotation marks.)

Oh but not in the way that would make sense and actually help you... no no. I’m going to discuss the committed relationships you think you’re in but are in all actuality a Friends With Benefits situation.

Love is patient guys.
It is also kind.
I like have these first two stanzas of the Bible verse on my wall somewhere because I believe it to be true. Often I find we need that reminder because people will try to convince you that love comes with unrelenting pain or that it’s meant to break you. It’s meant to leave you hopeless. Or out of options with your back against the ropes.

Nope, it’s supposed to actually do the exact opposite. I know. What a crazy idea.
Are you currently with someone who’s not even remotely close to being that for you. Like he or she is occasionally at their best. Occasionally good to you and more than often they’re just good to you in bed.
Yes I said it. You’re holding on to this relationship because they’re Good. In. Bed. They even hold you right afterwards. They sometimes even whisper sweet nothings. But then you both go back to your normal lives where they’re an asshole to you. Or they lie to you constantly and you just take it. You literally just take it and say you love them. You’re basically friends with benefits but okay... you love them.

Love is not only patient and kind hunny. In fact let’s finish that verse.
“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
And let’s keep going with the three verse that follows. “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

You see, love is a lot of things but it’s definitely not just pretty good sex. It requires more of the person. I’m going to shock you right now and suggest what you’re actually feeling is lust. It’s the strong desire to feel good in spite of. In spite of how shitty they treat you. In spite of how often they lie to you. In spite of how little they actually care about you.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a friends with benefits situation! As long as you call it what it is hunny and stop lying to yourself about what it isn’t.
And I’ll have you know that the 1st Corinthians verse continues by saying “Love never fails.” So Trust Me... because I also never fail and you know I Can’t Lie.



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You did it. You finally stood up for yourself. You told your significant other to kick rocks. You deserve better and though you’ve always known that to be true, this time you’ve pronounced it to be true.

So why does it still hurt like a MFker? Why do you still feel the effects of loosing the battle in spite of winning the war? How can you get past it? How can you move on? And quickly because you’re not sure how much of this pain you can handle.

24 hours sound good?
It does right. It sounds ideal. Like you’ve devoted a full day to process your feelings and now you’ve conclusively agreed that you not only made the right decision but the most honest decision. You’re no longer lying to yourself about the status of your love life. So being okay by like the next day is perfect... Funny how perfection is highly unattainable though.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the worst part hasn’t even hit you yet. Wait until they’ve moved on before you. Or wait until they attempt to get you back after a few years. You think you’re being tested now? You have no idea the potential for pain that awaits you. But guess what, you do eventually get through it. You do eventually get over it. And you do eventually heal. It just won’t be within 24 hours. If you’re lucky it may take a few weeks. Most likely it’ll take a few months. And unfortunately for some it may take years.

But you do get through it. Have you met someone who remained heartbroken over someone who did them wrong for their entire life? They might still be bitter about the situation, but heartbroken? Nah. Because time literally does heal all wounds. Time erases all the scars.

So just give it time. Give yourself as much time as you need. Don’t rush it. Don’t rush to reassimilate yourself back into the world. Take more than a single day to process all those feelings. And when you’re ready, you’ll know. But don’t forget to thank me when you do, because you knew I couldn’t lie.


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After completing the boat safari we jumped on Sri Lanka’s only major highway to head back to Colombo. Since my flight left very late, Sanju took me to a few souvenir shops at my request before giving me a tour of the capital city. We visited a few places of national significance and with a little more time to kill he took me to the waterfront. It was magical. We walked for a little bit and I admired the sun go down. And in it that moment I thought, was this really just a fantasy in my head? What kind of move was that to take me to the waterfront right when the sun was about to set? Did he not get how much I was starting to like him and how much I knew I couldn’t!


He took me to one last stop so I could eat before going to the airport. He convinced to try one of their dishes called Kothu Parotta It sounded inedible to me but turned out to be very delicious. And this time he sat with me and we had dinner together. If I hadn’t already paid him for his services in the car, I would have thought he was trying to butter me up for an extra tip which he did in fact get by the way. He deserved it more than he knew. After our dinner together he dropped me off at the airport. I did the same goodbye I do to all my guides promising to return with a slew of friends. He hugged me. Yes, he hugged me not the other way around and it wasn’t brief in the slightest. Another life time Sanju. Another lifetime.


I had fallen madly deeply and unapologetically.... in love with traveling. Every town, city, village, or country I’ve visited held a special place in my heart. They’ve matured me. They’ve made me more secure as a woman. They’ve inspired me. They’ve even redeemed me on certain occasions. So I didn’t actually meet the love of my life in Sri Lanka but I came to the realization that I had already found a deep love for something in the last three years of touring the world. And every time a flight deal popped up or Trip Advisors posted an awe inspiring picture of yet another dope place in the world, I get excited. I get excited knowing there’s still so much of the world for me to see. For me to explore. For me to fall that much deeper in love with.

Traveling may have saved my life. If not for a quick weekend trip to the Poconos wherein I spent the majority of my time in a hot tub, I wouldn’t have provoked, rather exposed what was going on with me in the form of an attack. I haven’t had another attack since I first suffered from double vision. I’ve been extremely blessed and fortunate. As a result, I live my life exactly that way, knowing how extremely fortunate I am. At first, I was convinced that my diagnosis would render me an invalid before I knew it. This lurking concern that I won’t be able to be adventurous because my disease may take a turn for the worst is truly what makes me so bold, so fearless. So to everyone who thinks so highly of my travels, and labels me this brave human (including my neurologist), because I often do it all alone, you should know I have an extra battery in my back motivating to do what I’ve done. I can’t wait to see what I’ve got planned next!

**My guides true identity and name has been changed to protect his privacy. And mostly thats because I’m a mess for insinuating that he was anything more than professional**