The Dangers of an Open Relationship

By 6:51:00 PM , , , ,

Q: If you know about the other person and are cool with it, is it still considered cheating?

A: Yes, your actually cheating yourself out of a real relationship!

"Mandizzy, how dare you define my relationship, if we want to see other people that's our prerogative"

I just never understood open relationships, but of course since I can't lie I had to research this topic before I gave my two cents on it. I am a firm believer in to each their own. I try not to judge people, especially based on what they believe in but for the life of me I cannot understand open relationships. It should be called Imma do me relationships.

So the technical meaning of an open relationship is one where two people come to a mutual agreement that they want to be together as a "couple" but also still at the same time want to see other people. The rules of an open relationship vary. Some allow intercourse with other people, some just allow the bare minimum like holding hands at the movies. The problem I have with open relationships is why the couple feels the need to label themselves as if they are in a committed relationship. What you are actually doing is openly dating each other not openly being a couple.
Couples are exclusive.
Couples are committed.
Couples are an item. Which is a singular term that implies a oneness between the two individuals. You can't be an item with several other people randomly involved.
When your dating however, you can see whom ever you please and whether you tell the other person or not, they have to accept it because your not in a committed relationship.

So apparently they're are open relationships where the "partner" has to approve of the other person.
And there are others where they don't want to even know about the other people they're partner is dealing with.
It depends on the couple just how open they want to be with each other about the other people they are involved with.

So my beautiful reader might be wondering how she is cheating herself? She knows about it, there are no secrets and she's okay with him being involved with another woman. He loves her not the other person. He committed to her and not the other person. So why should she trip, she obviously will always will have the upper hand right?

Its selfish to want to have your cake and eat it to. How dare he expect that of you. If he wanted to date other women, he shouldn't have committed to you and its as simple as that. Don't you want someone who only has eyes for you and all that other mushy stuff. Don't you feel like you deserve someone that when he says he loves you, he means it and shows how much to only you. This other woman is laughing at you, because she's getting pieces of what you get with no strings attached. She might not even know about you or she might know everything about you but the bottom line is that she's taking a little bit of what you deserve every time she's with him. If you and him are committed, you deserve all of him, you shouldn't have to share. And how much can he really love and care about if he does make you share. We're not in Africa and the last time I checked polygamy was still illegal. Having a mistress on the side is still considered cheating. And open relationships are and will never be okay if only one partner is seeing other people. And that is exactly what is going on in your situation.

You see that is where lies the danger of any open relationship. The truth is that, in order for a open relationship to work, both parties have to see other people. I still believe your cheating yourself out of a real relationship but if you chosen to make your bed that way, who am I to tell you not to lay in it.

Why does an open relationship have to work that way?
Because anything less is not fair to the other person. Why would you as a women mutually agree to let your man hump whomever he chooses? You would mind a whole lot less if you were doing the same, wouldn't you?

I believe that a one sided open relationship is nothing more than the partner cheating and the other partner accepting it.

Which then begs the question, how far have we come as a monogamous society where cheating is no longer taboo but invited....

Something to think about but until next time darling,
Trust Me....I Can't Lie.

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  1. I liked this article. Yep or is indeed cheating, its not fair to the one who decides that their partner can cheat on them and they wait at home for them to come in. You are messing with others lives and hearts will be broken at some point. So, if you are married or not married but in a relationship then your partner to me will always be a cheater in my book. If they really love and care for you then they wouldn't want to see you get hurt.

  2. "I believe that a one sided open relationship is nothing more than the partner cheating and the other partner accepting it."
    No, it is one partner telling the other what they are doing because they are unafraid and because honesty is in the relationship. What hurts more? Somebody telling you what they are doing, or finding out later after a pile of lies?

    1. Just because they tell you what's going on does not make it right nor does it mean they truly care. Being honest about cheating does not take away from the action of actually being unfaithful. Thank you for your comment! I'll have to do a follow up blog.

  3. My wife and I have dabbled in an open marriage for about eight months now. It's definitely had more downs than ups for me. It started as threesomes with a second man to please her physically and me visually, and that was honestly fun. We met a couple cool people, had a good time, got outside our comfort zone a bit, but then she insisted it had to be a fully open marriage so she could have more freedom to explore. This has pushed us to the brink, but at the same time I believe we have learned allot about ourselves.

    For us, the open marriage has fueled a different kind of dishonesty. We sort of know what the other is doing, but we don't completely understand the desires the motives, often feeling excluded. For me, I enjoyed the attention of one younger lady that had some similar interests to mine. It was more of a friendship than anything else. It was nice at first, but sex complicated it, made it impossible to navigate. After keeping a really open mind to it, I can tell you a full on open marriage really isn't for me. Some sexual adventure, an occasional threesome with my wife, absolutely, I endorse that kind of spice, but to be apart, seeking separate flings? Does not make sense for me.

    Those that play together stay together.