I’m ready guys. I think I’m ready to delve into the taboo subject of Friends With Benefits. (Picture me putting up quotation marks.)

Oh but not in the way that would make sense and actually help you... no no. I’m going to discuss the committed relationships you think you’re in but are in all actuality a Friends With Benefits situation.

Love is patient guys.
It is also kind.
I like have these first two stanzas of the Bible verse on my wall somewhere because I believe it to be true. Often I find we need that reminder because people will try to convince you that love comes with unrelenting pain or that it’s meant to break you. It’s meant to leave you hopeless. Or out of options with your back against the ropes.

Nope, it’s supposed to actually do the exact opposite. I know. What a crazy idea.
Are you currently with someone who’s not even remotely close to being that for you. Like he or she is occasionally at their best. Occasionally good to you and more than often they’re just good to you in bed.
Yes I said it. You’re holding on to this relationship because they’re Good. In. Bed. They even hold you right afterwards. They sometimes even whisper sweet nothings. But then you both go back to your normal lives where they’re an asshole to you. Or they lie to you constantly and you just take it. You literally just take it and say you love them. You’re basically friends with benefits but okay... you love them.

Love is not only patient and kind hunny. In fact let’s finish that verse.
“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
And let’s keep going with the three verse that follows. “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

You see, love is a lot of things but it’s definitely not just pretty good sex. It requires more of the person. I’m going to shock you right now and suggest what you’re actually feeling is lust. It’s the strong desire to feel good in spite of. In spite of how shitty they treat you. In spite of how often they lie to you. In spite of how little they actually care about you.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a friends with benefits situation! As long as you call it what it is hunny and stop lying to yourself about what it isn’t.
And I’ll have you know that the 1st Corinthians verse continues by saying “Love never fails.” So Trust Me... because I also never fail and you know I Can’t Lie.



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We all have a Hard No in the bedroom. You know that one thing we aren’t willing to do with our sexual partner. There’s no negotiating, you’re just not here for it and you’ll never be. That’s fine! I just wish you’d apply Hard No’s to your relationship.

I can’t believe I have to say this but if your significant other flirts with one of your best friends or your family member, the only I’m sorry you should accept is in the form of them saying you can do better than me; i hereby resign my position as your partner.
Trying to get with someone that close to you behind your back or directly in front of you is a HARD NO. Family and friends should be your limit to their madness. And don’t hold it in their favor that they weren’t able to actually go forward with it and cheat with your friend or family. I can already hear y’all crediting your boo for failing at cheating. “Well he didn’t go through with it so is it really that bad?” Yess! It’s that bad. If they can try with people you love and trust, then they’ve most definitely tried and probably succeeded with people who don’t give a damn about you.

I get it. Girls can be trifling. Men are deceitful. So taking what someone tells you at face value over your significant other is hard. It’s more than hard, it’s life or death at times. After all, a relationship without trust will never work in the long run. I get it. I actually respect that faith in your partner. However, when you’re provided with concrete proof like a text message, or a voicemail, or even pictures from someone as close to you as your friend or family member, there’s a certain amount of weight you give that person.

Honey, in relationships, some things are forgivable. Although I’m not a fan, cheating can be a forgivable offense. To each their own on that one. Lying is a forgivable offense. Again I say to each their own. But everything should not and cannot be forgivable when it comes to sharing your life with someone. You have to make boundaries. You have to have a limit to the damage. You have to exert standards because if not, you will live your life as a doormat. You will continually get taken advantage of, lied to and essentially abused.

So exercise those hard no’s. The things you would and could never stand for in any relationship. You don’t have to accept that kind of love. I hear you saying it’s not that simple. He’s my husband. She’s the mother of my kids. We’ve been together too long. It was a trap, he’s normally able to be on his best behavior. STOP. No more excuses babes... it’s okay to choose you. And always remember to Trust Me... because you knew I Couldn’t Lie.


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Second chances are beautiful. Third chances can be fleeting. Fourth chance? Now you're just asking for the abuse. 

Your home girl hasn't had the best track record with the dudes she chooses to date. You yourself, are a veteran in the game and see everything she's doing wrong. Starting with the fact that she keeps making the same mistakes with each guy.