The Backburner Theory 2020

By 7:06:00 PM

This theory I crafted almost ten years ago is so universal, so timeless, so insightful... that I’ve decided it needs a repost with a small 2020 edit. Please enjoy.

I am known for my outlandish over the top theories and this blog is yet another one of them that I plan to copyright somehow. (Still Working On Doing So 10 YRS Later) This blog is pretty long for a reason as there are a lot of points to this theory. 

Now, full warning to my male readers as I'm about to revisit and expose a very serious mind game you play. If it makes you feel any better....a woman has probably done it to you.

Believe it or is a lot like cooking.
What? How so Mandizzy? 

Clearly if you cook using a microwave this theory may be difficult to understand but don't worry, I will make this as simple as possible.

Men are smart! 
I know us women love to complain about how dumb they are and often we are right! But sometimes their dumb decisions have to be looked at from a more strategic angle. 
Hence this example...

You’re dating this guy for some time now and although he's not perfect he is decent enough to you. You even love him and things are going great in your eyes. And then one day he comes to you with a very sincere tone in his voice.

"Babe, honestly we've been fighting a lot lately and I know it's all because of me"
"I don't have time for you babe, and you deserve all the time in the world"
"You know, I just don't know how to love you the way I know you deserve to be loved"
"I'm a jerk for not realizing what I have with you"

And they say the fateful words...

"Maybe we should see other people, but it's not you baby, it's all me"

And as mad as you want to be, you can't seem to get there because everything he's said is right. It is all him, you've been amazing. And yet you secretly second guess everything you've done in the relationship. 

"Maybe I shouldn’t have called him so much, or maybe I shouldn’t have complained about his partying habits. Maybe him cheating on me with my best friend was really my fault, I should have never introduced them."

Come on son! Really?

Men will do them regardless of what you do or don’t do. Know that. Trust that. 

How is it that they leave me feeling like it's my fault even though they said it was their fault?

It's called Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology. (Copyright still pending on this theory as well)

You see men do not like to be called out on their ish. They don't like to hear what they’ve been doing wrong or how much of a screw up they really are. And yet... we women love to call them on it. Just to remind them that their stuff does stink and you are tired of being their air freshener!

So the odds of a man telling you what they have been doing wrong and taking responsibility for their actions happens ever NOT so often. 
Hence, why you are caught off guard when that person ends the relationship and takes full responsibility for its demise. 
A man that takes responsibility for his actions...well I never!

You're probably thinking that maybe he did really care about you and he just isn't ready to "be what you deserve" that how he phrased it?

You see and since you know he wasn't as bad as he made himself seem, you begin to assume that it was really you that created the issue which led him to leave. And therefore he created without you even realizing it..."Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology". 

So I'm guessing at this point you are either a) confused b) upset c) rethinking your last break up or d) laughing your butt off. In either situation you’re still eager to learn where the hell does the Backburner Theory come into the mix.


You've just went through Reverse of the Reverse inside Psychology and ultimately end up believing that it was a good relationship that just didn't work out. 

That is a fair way to sum up the entire experience until...

A few months to a year later, you get a phone call or a text or he randomly shows up by your house or your job and you guys get to talking. You've already forgotten what he's done to you because as far as you’re concerned you guys broke up on a "good note". He may ask you to hang out. You oblige and before you know it, you guys are dating again. 

You may or may not have made it official but you are pretty much back to how things were before he broke things off with you. 

This time around...he may or may not stick around. In fact, he may repeat the same thing he did the first time. The whole I'm not ready and you deserve someone who is ready reverse of the reverse inside psychology. 

And again they leave...and sometimes they come back. 
Eventually they may stay forever...I doubt it though. 

You see my darling you are "The Backburner Theory" at its finest. 

Remember how I compared dating to cooking...well this how it all connects.

When you cook a meal, it usually has several components. Sometimes you have to simultaneously use multiple burners on the stove. And when one component or dish is ready you put it on the backburner. The backburner is usually off to make sure that you do not burn that dish. 

As you date someone...they are cooking you on the front burners. They are putting all the right or wrong ingredients into your pot and tasting it as they cook just to make sure it is just right. Now if they discover that the recipe they were cooking is just plain disgusting, they are going to throw it in the trash. If you've had a nasty bad break up and you no longer speak to one's probably because like the pot of food you've been labeled as no good and thrown into the garbage. 

But if they are cooking and everything turned out the way they wanted it, they've tasted and it is really good. This is a dish that is finished and ready for them to enjoy. But since they may still want several other dishes to go a long with their meal they put this pot aka you on the backburner. And they either continue to cook another dish that they have been working on or they start a new dish. 

The dish on the backburner is the girlfriend or boyfriend they've broken up with and took full responsibility for the relationships demise. They know that once they are ready to have some of that dish again, they can dip right in with no problem because it's not like they put it in the trash. They cannot dig in the trash for food, but the dish on the backburner... It still may be warm to them and since you’re probably not angry with them over the break up they can enter your life once again with no problem. After all... it was their entire fault in the first place. 

The several other dishes the chef may be working on are other people that the person wanted to date but could not if he remained working on the dish that he put on the backburner. If he left you and told you it was because you did this wrong and you did that wrong and nothing was his fault when you knew it was, he would have a hard time getting you back. Wouldn’t he? 

The sly bums know this! And so they make sure that it ends on the most peaceful note. And how else can they do that without making it appear as if it was entirely their fault.

Sweetheart you’re his backburner chick! 

He just picks you up off that burner when he's hungry. I mean it is only right after he molded you into his perfect victim. You think it's easy to throw all those ingredients in and come out with something that’s as yummy as you are?! 

Now Mandizzy, so what if he puts me on the back burner…during this time, I’m doing me. I’m not sitting around waiting for him.

If you let him keep you on the backburner, eventually you will either get spoiled and thrown into the trash or he will eat up all of you and you will have nothing of yourself left!

I hope I just helped a lot of you ladies realize a pattern that men are too slick at repeating.

You are to fly to be constantly moved to the backburner. And you are too tasty to get thrown in the trash.

Missed you babes, so glad you continue to Trust me... because you know I Can’t Lie!

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