A special reader sent me a question that kicked my butt trying to come up with a truthful, helpful, and realistic response. You see this question is a topic I haven't fully mastered myself. But of course, I've made sure that this post will be all of the above and hopefully a little more.

I believe that getting over an ex-partner should be the easiest part of being in a relationship. I mean, after all you've went through, all the drama and pain and frustration, adjusting to life without all of those negative things should be easy... But for a lot of people it’s the hardest part. That's why this topic kicked my butt because there is no set formula to getting over a past relationship. But, I've researched and soul searched =) and evaluated how I've handled this kind of topic in the past and reviewed what did work and what did not work.


Now before I begin, there are going to be some things I'm going to ask you to remember and some things I will ask you to accept. Of course there is a difference and the things I need you to accept are pivotal to your journey. And yes... Learning to get over a past relationship is a journey.

The first thing I want you to realize and always remember is that they're your ex for a reason; however stupid or justified the reason is, it ended for a reason.
Therefore, the decision has been made and you must now decide whether you're happy with that reason. By happy, I mean, are you satisfied with the fact that the reason was enough to make either of you decide the relationship has to end.

It is okay if it didn't work, relationships come and go.

There are too many people in the world for you to find the one your going to spend the rest of your life with on the first try. I'm sure it happens, but the odds are extremely low. So, the first thing I need you to accept is that you are not alone in this experience and therefore, it is okay to grasp on to your family and  friends for whatever comfort you may need.

Vent
The last thing I want you to do is shut down and close everyone that loves and cares about you out. Time with yourself is more than necessary but always remember that expressing how you feel to someone else usually makes you feel a lot better. So vent to someone you trust. Don't go to a bar, get drunk and tell your life story to a total stranger. Your business may end up on TMZ.

But you should, Let it all out, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the regret, the remorse...whatever you're feeling in regards to that relationship, let it out to that person you can trust. I like to refer to this as cleansing yourself of all the things you've probably kept silent about the entire relationship.

After you've vented and cried profoundly on someone's shoulder, it is now time for the most important part.
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE...WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT PERSON.

I bet sometimes the answer will be yes, But should you vent and come to the realization that this person is not who you want to ever be romantically involved with again. It is than fair to accept and to commit to the next few suggestions.

You've vented, you made the decision that they are not someone you'd ever want to be with again, time to do a little self-healing. Remember that this part is going to hurt just a little, maybe a lot.

You have to accept your role in it the relationships demise.
That means, really sitting down to go over all the things you did wrong. This can range from being selfish with your time....to not listening to their problems...or even allowing them to continually hurt you. You see even the things they've done to you could be partly your fault for allowing it to happen repeatedly.

Accept your role in what happened. You weren't perfect and you should know that. By identifying where you went wrong, you chip away at the anger you may have about the situation. I'm sure you may have already identified all the things they've done to you but now its time to accept that you both weren't perfect.

Now like I've mentioned before, this is a journey, and journeys are not completed overnight, therefore I need you to remember that this process may take some time. For some people, it can take years to really get over a past relationship, some people make take even longer and for some people it may happen within a few weeks. The key idea that I need you to accept is that you shouldn't rush the process. Let the journey unfold before you, allow it to work in your favor and keep the faith that eventually you will reach your happy place.

Do something brand new!
I know this seems trivial but I'm sure you've done a lot of things together as a couple, do something you've never done before by yourself or with a friend! A lot of activities may remind you of that person and may make it harder to move on...so trying something new provides a much needed break from those reminders.
Gamble a hundred bucks!
Learn how to use a type writer!
Take up your own blog!
You have a great deal of emotions in you at this time, its consuming your energy. Trying something you've never done before creates new memories. New memories that seek to replace all the negative ones that may have been created.

Date
One thing that you absolutely must not do is compare any future person to your ex. I cannot begin to tell you how dangerous that can be. Yes, I want you to be smart and if you notice similar traits in your ex and you’re new boo that are not good, then you can then evaluate whether or not you're repeating the same mistake. BUT, if you constantly compare every aspect of that person to your ex, you will make the journey much more harder. Because that ex becomes the third person, dating along with you. They're still consuming your energy even from afar. I don't want that for you. You don't want that for yourself...

I want you to date new people with a wiser more enlightened attitude but save comparing people for judging who should win the next American Idol.

Now, dating new people without allowing yourself to heal and following the steps and suggestions I've previously said, is not going to be a pretty process. I really suggest waiting until you've tried all the things I've said before you dip your toes back into the dating pool.

Believe it or not, dating again is a pivotal part of your journey. It just should come at the right time

Dating represents the place in your journey where you've become willing to put your self back out there. And if you've been hurt in your past relationship, I've always believed that it says a lot about someone who's able to get burned by love and get back out on the dating fire truck. (I know my metaphors are ridiculous)


There can be a multitude of reasons for why someone has a hard time getting over their ex and moving on.

Fear of being on your own.
They're love for their ex is extremely deep.
They can't get past the pain.
That ex won't let them
The key to getting over an ex is attacking the reason why it’s become so hard for you. Unfortunately, this is a great topic to delve into by itself, please look for the Special Thanksgiving Day Follow up to this Blog Post.