Tough Love
Call me ungrateful or old-fashioned but I have never been fully appreciative of the equal rights crusade for woman in the 50's or the whole feminine movement of the 60's. Of course I believe woman should get equal treatment where it counts, like in the job market and in relationships but I also firmly believe that some of those old fashion grandma time ideals work perfectly fine in today’s society. I would love to be a housewife and spend my husband’s money. Hell, working every day to provide for you is not all it's cracked up to be. Sure, you get to enjoy your paycheck, but I would enjoy spending someone else paycheck much more. Let's be honest... If there was no need to work would most woman want to? But, I do understand and believe in holding your own as a woman because you never know when that man you rely so greatly upon will disappear.
Yet, I find that providing for myself and not having to count on anyone, also has it's less than obvious drawbacks (you know besides having to work). The "be an independent woman" mantra can be overrated at times. This is especially so because often you as an “independent woman” attract leaches AKA men who live off their woman.
I've learned that when you as a woman have your ish together, you attract men that don't necessarily have there’s together. This creates an issue for me. Maybe not you... but definitely with me.
Like I said before, call me old fashioned, but I cannot stand to watch a woman take care of a man over eighteen. Especially if you are not his mother!
But Mandizzy, there are times in a mans life where he needs a woman to support him and let him know that she’s got his back, even in the rough times.
You want to help him out during this difficult time in his life. I GET IT. But letting him borrow your ATM card, drive your brand new car, and allowing him to lay up in your crib rent free is more than helping him out. You are actually encouraging him to get comfortable in his situation. Why? Because he has a significant other who's taking care of him. Why should he rush to find a job when he has YOUR money to spend? Why should he save you gas money and take the bus when you just hand him the keys every time he ask.
The most effective way to help out your man during this "difficult time" is to force him to do better for himself. How do you do that? Well, for starters, only let him use the car to go on a job interview. Fill out those college applications and make sure he mails them in on time. If he's going to be living with you rent free, make sure he plays househusband and cooks, cleans, does laundry and does the grocery shopping. Let him earn the spot he sleeps next to you on every night.
Ladies... Stop being taken advantage of by lazy men. Stop being their CRUTCH. Eventually the injuries life gives you heals and then you have to learn to walk again on your own two feet!
Trust Me... Tough Love is sometimes the most effective love.
And you already should know that I Can't Lie.
Don't Forget To Comment ;-)
2 comments
When a persons spirit is broken, I mean really broken, the last thing they need is tough love, it will literally kill them.
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate that but I was referring to people who misuse their partners support. I don't think the extent of how down a person is an excuse to misuse or abuse a person's kindness. And I feel that the only way you can nip a bad habit like that in the bud without breaking the person is by standing up for yourself. And if that constitutes to much of tough love than so be it, because at the end of the day your happiness and well being should come first. Why sacrifice yourself and your happiness at the sake of another.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the comment though, and most of the time, my advice is subjective. It cannot and will not match up perfectly to every situation.
xoxo
Mandizzy