Sometimes A Good Man Is Not Enough
Have you ever dated a man that was absolutely wonderful? Treated you like the queen you are? Shared a lot of the qualities you were dreaming of in a man? And yet... you still find yourself not exactly into him? Or not liking him as much as you thought you would?
If so...I know exactly how you felt!
Sometimes a good man is not enough.
If so...I know exactly how you felt!
Sometimes a good man is not enough.
Men always like to whine about how woman don't like "nice guys"
Or that silly phrase "Nice guys finish last"
Or that silly phrase "Nice guys finish last"
Because women and I quote "Like men that treat them like shit" "They want a man to smack them up every now again" -Various Guy Friends
Well there are situations where the above occurs but not always for the reasons men assume.
My fantabulous new reader and old friend shared with me her true story and I'm sure a lot of women can relate.
The story goes that she dated a man for several months and although she didn't like him at first, she grew to like him as their platonic friendship flourished. That can often happen, and usually makes for a beautiful relationship. She described him as giving, smart and a huge gentleman. He complimented her really well, got to know her inside and out, and supported her when no one else did. After seven months of dating, she broke up with him and asked if they could remain friends. Being the superly nice guy he was...he obliged and they remain close.
As soon as she explained the story, I asked her why she broke it off after seven months. Her explanation was simple. "He just wasn't good enough for me"
And oddly enough, I didn't ask her to explain because I knew exactly what she meant.
I'm sure her Ex-Boyfriend will meet a woman that will appreciate all those qualities that she also admired about him, and that woman will love him forever. But my friend was just not that woman.
Sometimes, a man will have a bunch of amazing qualities that will separate him from the majority of guys. It will casually catch a female’s interest and she may grow to like him for those qualities but then.... Her reality sits in. He's smart but he doesn't want to go to school. He's giving but he always expects something in return. He's a gentlemen with you but an asshole to everyone else.
You see, no man is perfect, and often we as humans learn what flaws in a person, we are willing to live with and what flaws we know we want to live without.
And so if you could be the nicest guy, but if you have that one or two flaws that a woman can't live with, she's going to eventually decide to move on.
Well there are situations where the above occurs but not always for the reasons men assume.
My fantabulous new reader and old friend shared with me her true story and I'm sure a lot of women can relate.
The story goes that she dated a man for several months and although she didn't like him at first, she grew to like him as their platonic friendship flourished. That can often happen, and usually makes for a beautiful relationship. She described him as giving, smart and a huge gentleman. He complimented her really well, got to know her inside and out, and supported her when no one else did. After seven months of dating, she broke up with him and asked if they could remain friends. Being the superly nice guy he was...he obliged and they remain close.
As soon as she explained the story, I asked her why she broke it off after seven months. Her explanation was simple. "He just wasn't good enough for me"
And oddly enough, I didn't ask her to explain because I knew exactly what she meant.
I'm sure her Ex-Boyfriend will meet a woman that will appreciate all those qualities that she also admired about him, and that woman will love him forever. But my friend was just not that woman.
Sometimes, a man will have a bunch of amazing qualities that will separate him from the majority of guys. It will casually catch a female’s interest and she may grow to like him for those qualities but then.... Her reality sits in. He's smart but he doesn't want to go to school. He's giving but he always expects something in return. He's a gentlemen with you but an asshole to everyone else.
You see, no man is perfect, and often we as humans learn what flaws in a person, we are willing to live with and what flaws we know we want to live without.
And so if you could be the nicest guy, but if you have that one or two flaws that a woman can't live with, she's going to eventually decide to move on.
Is that fair? Often it's not.
Is it selfish? Maybe
Do many men get hurt or feel that being a nice guy sucks? Perhaps.
But I've always said this to justify my huge habit of being shallow.
"I'm the one that has to live with his flaws on a daily basis, not the rest of the world" So why live in despair and blatant unhappiness just because he has a few great qualities.
I know it may be hard to believe, especially with how women carry themselves nowadays but...Some women actually have standards, some women actually know what they want, and some women knows when a man falls short of reaching those standards and or being what they want.
I would love a man that took me out and got along well with my family and supported my dreams but if he smoked and sat in his mother’s basement all day, I could only stick around in that kind of relationship but for so long.
"I'm the one that has to live with his flaws on a daily basis, not the rest of the world" So why live in despair and blatant unhappiness just because he has a few great qualities.
I know it may be hard to believe, especially with how women carry themselves nowadays but...Some women actually have standards, some women actually know what they want, and some women knows when a man falls short of reaching those standards and or being what they want.
I would love a man that took me out and got along well with my family and supported my dreams but if he smoked and sat in his mother’s basement all day, I could only stick around in that kind of relationship but for so long.
So oddly enough, the qualities that often make a good man “good”….often become NOT enough.
The question that may be squirming around in your head is whether she made the right decision?
Could she have perhaps worked around those flaws she saw in him?
Could she have helped him move towards being a better him, while in the process also helping herself?
No man is perfect, why leave him if he has some great qualities about him?
Well…. I believe that life is too short to mold someone into the person you want them to be. A good friend once said that “you don’t “date” someone for what they can become but rather who they are at that moment”.
If you are with someone and they change for the better, more power to them and great news for you, but it’s not your responsibility to see that they do change for the better. They have to want to do it for themselves.
Will she find a guy that encompasses great good guy qualities again? I believe so.
And this time… whatever flaws she may have found unbearable to live with may not exist in the new guy.
Hence…there becomes her chance at a happy ending.
Trust Me my loves…These situations are tough to deal with and to work through. I myself can admit to making a similar decision. But my baby loves I Cannot Lie when I say that sometimes it’s the best decision for both people involved.
14 comments
This is sooooo true nd sumtimes we find ourselves in dat next relationship nd were like damn.... maybe we cuda dealt wit dat stupid flaw! u kno da 80/20 rule SUCKS LOL
ReplyDeleteI agree. My next post will be about that exact rule! Haha!
ReplyDeleteYAYYYYYYY
ReplyDeleteI thought that i was the only one feeling this way lately. I am beginning to see that the "good guy" may not necessarily be good for me. I used to get sucked in by what i call "the stats". In my head, i have the check list effect going on. Job (check) Car (check), handsome (check), well-groomed and stylish (check), funny (check), Charismatic (check), and the list goes on.I find that before i get someone that meets the criteria, i just up the ante and find more requirements that i need to add to the checklist. The more i discover about myself, the more i discover i need in a mate. And the more i discover that i need from a mate, the more i discover that i need to bring to the table. You do determine your worth and value but i feel as though sometimes we want to gain more than we are willing to put out. So I say be sure before you ditch the good man, you are someone intune with self and i agree with Alison... 20% SUCKS
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I completely agree. Did you read the next post yet lol?
ReplyDeleteI just read it... maybe i shoulda commented there, lol
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have to follow up on certain topics because people may form one opinion like oh I can ditch a man because I want what I want. Lol
ReplyDeleteVery interesting...im usually in that 'nice guy' category so im happy I read this lol
ReplyDeleteJust seeing this comment Roger... I hope you meet someone that appreciates a nice guy.
DeleteI like it when individuals get together and share thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, keep it up!
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can u ppl telme wt woman really wants..?? cuz im also tired of being nice..
ReplyDeleteIn the end just be exactly who YOU are. Don't allow anyone else to determine if you are GOOD ENOUGH or NOT simply because you are who you are. The World is full of people who know what they want and will go to the end of the World for you. The same women who don't like nice guys or leaving the nice guy are the same ones who end up looking for a nice guy to be there for her and help raise her kids. Meanwhile the Nice guy is out there building businesses making millions and is loved unconditionally by a woman who needs none of that. Everything happens for a reason and yes it sucks when people aren't honest about how they feel and yes it sucks being in the friend zone but it all builds character and pushes you one step closer to your Destiny just as God planned it. -PillowTalkIt
ReplyDeleteYou women are crazy. Your friend isnt going to find her perfect man. Shes going to end up settling because she will be getting older and uglier and realize she made a mistake. Men are sick and tired of seeing good women marry jerks only to get divorced and then complain about how there are no good men out there. The problem is most women think they deserve the absolute best. "He has to be over 6ft, athletic build, smart, funny, and rich". Seriously how many guys like this do you think are out there? Maybe 3 for every 5 million people? and guess what your most likely not good enough for them. Wisen up ladies, start dating normal guys and stop chasing the same generic looking Alpha. Honestly I laugh when i hear women complaining about not finding good men because there are SO MANY of them out there.
ReplyDeleteHi I dated a guy for five years and he was a good man.He still cheated. So Ladies if you are looking for a husband being a good man is not enough. You need to look for good, god fearing and one that has a relationship with god. You will save yourself from going into a disaster waiting to happen.
ReplyDelete