The Girl That Ruined it for the Rest of US!

By 4:34:00 PM , , , , ,

 I have always been a firm believer in that one “girl” who ruined it for the rest of us.
What “girl’ am I referring to?

The female who dated your boo before you…it was  sometime in his past and it is the reason why he has a hard time trusting women, being faithful or being a good man at all.

She” entered his world and made him vulnerable…he cared about her, almost fell in love with her (if he wasn’t already), catered to her, made her a priority in his life AND “she” for some reason we may never understand (possibly because guys in her pass conditioned her this way)…ends up breaking his heart.

Sometimes it’s intentional, other times it is by accident. The bottom line remains that this man is forever transformed by what “she” did to him. And the women that date him after…reap the repercussions.

 Now the great news is that sometimes, eventually they get over what “she” did and let love back into their lives. They move on and eventually find happiness in someone else. The bad news is that sometimes it takes them messing with dozens of women to get to that point. And those dozens of women have to deal with all the horrible things that “she” is responsible for.

But in her defense…. “She” may have dated someone before this great guy, who had been forever changed because of the “girl” before her.
And so “she” often moves on to the next guy guarded, confused, and or vindictive in the next relationship. She may hate men or she doesn’t trust them…or both.

So how do we end this vicious cycle?       …Or can we?
Everyone comes into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason. They come to teach you a lesson however  hard it may be to learn. You just have to take that lesson, learn from it, and make it in to a positive message for you to live by.  And when you do, your heart will be not only tough enough to handle disappointment but brave enough to embrace it.

This theory is very dear to my heart…in fact, I am currently writing a novel about a character that’s had this happen to him and he has to learn eventually after his own dozen women to embrace the possibility of getting hurt again and how to truly move on from what happened to him. It’s currently untitled and nowhere near ready to be shown to anyone but when it’s followers will definitely get a first sneak preview of it. My roommate is my editor and she thinks she’s co author so it may take a while to get it all just right, but I know it will get there =).  I’m aiming for by my birthday next year (Crosses her fingers, Braids her hair and Intertwines her legs)

Why delve into this topic?
…… because I’ve made that mistake of being that girl. I hope the person who I think I did this to, doesn’t read my blog. (The odds are low since I’ve advertised it to everyone. SMH)  I’ve admitted it to him but now he may think I’m desperately trying to get him to go back to how he was pre-me  (Not referring to babies by the way) – [I am almost positive that that comment went over a lot of your heads, but if you caught it, comment below to let me know some of my friends have intelligence and a sense of humor]

We as women have this innate ability to be the strongest human beings when it matters most. And sometimes we are too strong. And that’s what I believe happened to me. I learned at a very young age just how to be that strong. Thank you Daddy & Thank you Mr. Smith. I gave Smith a shout out because he will always deserve it. If not for him, I would probably be much dumber when it comes to guys. But I was forced to learn very early, how not to settle, how to have high standards, how to not ignore the signs that men often throw your way. Mostly because of everything I went through as a result of Smith. Granted I am also the most forgiving person I know, but at least I know when it’s time for me to get myself out of the situation. And it’s all because I acquired what some women take lifetimes to understand. And that is that men will disappoint you.
It’s a fact.
They will often lie. They will sometimes cheat. They will make you cry. You just have to acquire the skills to know when there comes a long a male person who is not just about all of the above but a man that allows themselves to grow because of it, and strives to be a better person because of it.  

You see…I may have been too strong and screened a lot of actual good people as bad and let them go because of my  “acquired skill” (Still debating putting it as a skill on my resume). I’ve also let some bad people pass through my screening process in the hopes of them growing and striving to be a better person. I think in either situation, I’m not at fault. It’s simply how the game goes… And I as a woman I have accepted it.

My latest experiment or maybe I shouldn’t call it that because it seems rather offensive when I think about it…but my latest venture (is that a nicer way ="/) …latest endeavor rather, is dealing with someone who’s just come fresh off breaking up with that “girl” who changed him.  Yep that “she” I’ve been referring to.  I’m toying with the possibility of seeing if it can take just one female to help him grow and realize that he has to move on, or does it really take a dozen. Time will tell, and I will keep you all posted. Haha… As of right now...It is taking a lot of patience and a lot of biting the tongue. And if you know me, you know I have a lot of mouth. But I’m strong and I can take a lot of punches. 

The truth is that, every girl and I mean EVERY GIRL, “wants to be that one girl that can change that guy”.  –Lauren Conrad
And the sad truth is that….most of us will not be that girl. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we won’t be the “she” I was referring to. I say this to all my ladies with the deepest sincerity because I truly fear being that girl and I hope you ladies strive to not be as well.
Until Next Time...Trust me my Babyloves....because I can't Lie!

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  1. I think i've been that girl who broke a guy heart because I was to much of a strong independent woman. I let a good one get away. But hey I am strong enough to admit when I was wrong and to learn from it.

  2. That's all you can do. Learn from it.

  3. This one of my 1st times seeing your blog, I have to say your topic of choice is very interesting. Just might have to starting keeping up with this blog of yours, you def won me over as a new fan. But as you were saying about your new venture. Talking to someone that's right out of relationship I think would be very edgy. All that would be going thru my mind is that that person is on the rebound, & I would not think that they would be willing to change as soon enough.. Your going to need alot of patience

  4. I love it! I'm guilty of wanting to change that guy and hoping that he would change for the better.I failed to realize that the change has to start within him and there's but so much i can do. BUT i don't regret anything and definitely took everything has a learning experience. So i dont ever allow it to happen again! LMAO @ the pre-me and not the baby your a mess manda.

  5. =D Just a lil jokey joke. This post was getting to serious for me lol.

  6. Well pre-Dizzy I used thinK most (girls)women were silly.. But u give me hope to find an intelligent lady that Knows how a relationship grows, what to expect plus what to respect.. And about your "experiment", it may give you another point of view but don't forget that's gonna be ya new boo ;-) lml

  7. Simply/Complicated A.K.A. SefOctober 15, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    I am actual living proof that I was the woman to change that guy... I love my boo and it took heaven and hell to change this man. The secret was showing him that I am capable of doing all that I could for him in all aspects and then I allowed him to be free... " If you love something let it go, well I have done so and to the extent of actually removing myself from all his decisions and actions... He now realizes that no other woman will actually put up with his crap full heartedly except me... what I have come to overstand not understand overstand is U have to allow them to make mistakes because before we are human we are animals... Meaning after most men are hurt they follow their animal instinct that allows them to detach their emotions, it becomes a must that they don't become attached so they could protect their feelings...
    Where woman get it wrong is that they begin to push themselves on that man, asking a million questions and constantly calling... When actually the opposite should be happening... Now if your a commodity He'll learn his mistakes and realize that through all his life he was living like an animal and thence the change begins... He begins to analyze himself and overstands that you are a commodity to him not just a stepping stool and that's the first steps of recreation...

  8. Sometimes that desire to be the one girl to change that guy, gets confused for love. You think you love this man when its really just your ego pushing u to take on a challenge. Your own desire to feel special and what not. Take a hard look at that man... he should do the same to you... because the man that loves you back changes without you going to great lengths to make him!

  9. Well said Royell. Women often confuse a host of things for the concept of love. It's a shame.