Trust Me... I Can't Lie

Believe me, I've tried, but I cannot tell a lie.

Your Man is Not Perfect: Why I Love the 80/20 Rule!

By 9:42:00 PM , , , ,

In last week’s post, I discussed how sometimes there are certain flaws we as women cannot live with. And I've previously mentioned about how some flaws aren't worth loving through. So in this post I thought I'd give the mens a break and write about accepting that Your Man May Not Be Perfect!

I was introduced to the eight twenty rule after watching Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married".  For those who are unfamiliar with the rule, the movie explains it basically like this...
In some marriages you will only get eight percent of what you are looking for.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And then there may come along someone who is offering the twenty percent that you've been missing. Now twenty percent looks good because you don't currently have it.
But once you leave the “eighty”... for the “twenty”... all you’re left with is twenty percent of what you really want.
And then you find yourself missing that person who was your eighty percent.
I hope that was clear enough because this rule can be sooo tricky.

Now unfortunately I think that some men believe that if they combine the woman who provides eighty percent of what they're looking for and the girl that provides only twenty percent of what they're looking for together, it will sum up and total all their needs.
It’s horrible idea, I know! But who am I to judge.
Hell some women are okay with a situation like the above!

The point of this rule is to let one see just how much they give up for that person who's only going to provide only 20% of what they need.

Here's a simple example of the eighty twenty rule.
So you've left your sweet and loving boyfriend for a man who has a lot of money. Your old boyfriend didn’t have much but he made do with what he did have. So now you’re with the guy that's offering something your eighty percent guy couldn't. But...although he has money and plenty of it, he lacks any of the other qualities you were looking for in a partner. He's rude, he lies and he doesn't listen to you. But when you were dating the two of them, he seemed really special because he was buying you nice things, the same nice things that your boyfriend at the time couldn't. He appears to be the better choice and it is ONLY until you've LEFT that eight percent guy do you realize just how much you've given up.

The reason why I find this rule so fantastic is because it accepts that no one is perfect and therefore when you find a partner it'd be foolish of you to expect them to be perfect. It also forces you to evaluate what you want in a partner but more importantly what things you absolutely desire most in a partner. It forces you to no longer be picky but to really evaluate what really matters most to you. You have to decide what you can or can't live with, in a person.

In my last blog post someone mentioned that a woman should first voice how they feel before they leave or end the relationship and maybe then, that person they are with will begin to change.
I agree and I'm sorry if my previous blogs (See First Blog on Long Distance Relationship) did not already suggest that important notion.

Communication is the mere essence of human existence, so voicing to your significant other what you find an issue with the relationship is key, and then if they chose to change as a result, your left with little reason to leave.
But I also want to note that she and her boyfriend did have a lengthy conversation about their relationship before it ended.

The question now becomes what are the qualities in a man that women should really try to accept before giving up a "good man"?

Your probably thinking why should I try to accept anything that I have a valid problem with...

Well if he snores for example and it keeps you up at night, I severely consider that to be an unacceptable reason to leave someone...
But why Mandizzy?? I'm losing sleep and its making me late for school or work.
Well there are medicines and nose guards to help him with that!
And furthermore, it's a habit he can't necessarily control.

To best answer this, I've come up with a few more qualities that I believe… is NOT the best reason to leave someone.

He's not stylish.
But Mandizzy, I can't be seen with a guy that dresses horrible in public!
I know! I totally get that feeling but, if he's comfortable with it, go shopping with him, help him pick out more stylish things. Maybe, just maybe he's never been taught how to dress himself. Maybe he never had the motivation; maybe you can be that motivation.
Furthermore, why do you care how he appears to the world on the outside when you know what he's worth on the inside?
Would it be nice if he dressed really well?  Yeah.
But will you die of embarrassment the next time he takes you to dinner in a baseball hat and penny loafers? No.

He can't dance!
How annoying is the guy that swears he's the life of the party but clearly can't shake his tail feather in any kind of correct manner!
But...wait. You really want to leave him because he embarrassed you at the office party or homecoming dance??
His lack of rhythm can be solved with a cheap dance class or dance instruction video.
Hell...have him two step as you work it out in front of him on the dance floor.

My point...(Yes there is one) Some flaws are workable.
You wouldn't want to seriously try and change who he is...but if you sit down and tell him the truth and he's open to your suggestions or ideas, then allow yourself to be his muse, his guide, his motivation, his partner!

The simplest way to avoid regretting your decision to leave the one your with because of a flaw you could not live with, is to take the time to evaluate what exactly matters most to you. Accept that some flaws you can’t change. Accept that you’re perfect somebody will not be perfect.

So finally these guys can stop telling me to be a little less critical of their behavior…I gave you guys a bye week. But Trust Me…I Can’t Lie so believe me when I said next week, Imma lay it on ya. HAHA

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  1. Ahhhh da 80/20 rule! nd unfortunately we go thru dis nd u face da possibility of not goin bak to ur 80. def not worth it cause u cudnt value wat u had. smh

  2. I love your posts Mandizzy! Keep it up!